innocence at its best

Two little boys, aged 8 and 10, are excessively mischievous. They are always getting into trouble and their parents know all about it. If any mischief occurs in their town, the two boys are probably involved.The boys' mother heard that a preacher in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The preacher agreed, but he asked to see them individually. So the mother sent the 8 year old first, in the morning, with the older boy to see the preacher in the afternoon.The preacher, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, "Do you know where God is, son?"The boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there wide-eyed with his mouth hanging open. So the preacher repeated the question in an even sterner tone,"Where is God?!"Again, the boy made no attempt to answer. The preacher raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed, "Where is God?!" The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him. When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, "What happened?" The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, "Boss we are in BIG trouble this time." ("I just LOVE reading next line again and again")........... ...... ... ... .......... "GOD is missing, and they think we did it!”

family

I ran into a stranger as he passed by,"Oh excuse me please" was my reply.
He said, "Please excuse me too;I wasn't watching for you."
We were very polite, this stranger and I.We went on our way and we said goodbye.
But at home a different story is
told,How we treat our loved ones, young and old.
Later that day, cooking the evening meal,My son stood beside me very still.
When I turned, I nearly knocked him down."Move out of the way," I said with a frown.
He walked away, his little heart broken.I didn't realize how harshly I'd spoken.
While I lay awake in bed,God's still small voice came to me and said,
"While dealing with a stranger,common courtesy you use,but the
family you love, you seem to abuse.
Go and look on the kitchen floor,You'll find some flowers there by the door.
Those are the flowers he brought for you.He picked them himself: pink, yellow and
blue.
He stood very quietly not to spoil the surprise,you never saw the tears that filled his little eyes."
By this time, I felt very small,And now my tears began to fall.
I quietly went and knelt by his bed;"Wake up, little one, wake up," I said.
"Are these the flowers you
picked for me?"He smiled, "I found 'em, out by the tree.
I picked 'em because they're pretty like you.I knew you'd like 'em, especially the blue."
I said, "Son, I'm very sorry for the way I acted today;I shouldn't have yelled at you that way."He said, "Oh, Mom, that's okay.I love you anyway."
I said,
"Son, I love you too,and I do like the flowers, especially the blue."
FAMILYAre you aware that if we died tomorrow, the companythat we are working for could easily replace us ina matter of days.But the family we left behind will feel the lossfor the rest of their lives.
And come to think of it, we pour ourselves moreinto work than into our own family,an unwise investment indeed,don't you think?So what is behind the story?
What the word FAMILY means:FAMILY = (F)ATHER (A)ND (M)OTHER (I) (L)OVE (Y)OU

womanwali baat

A Woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods.She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grantyou three wishes." The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, "Thankyou, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes.Whatever you wish for, your husband will get times ten!" The womansaid, "That's okay." For her first wish, she wanted to be the mostbeautiful woman in the world. The frog warned her, "You do realisethat this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man inthe world, an Adonis whom women will flock to". The woman replied,"That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful Woman and hewill have eyes only for me." So, KAZAM-she's the most beautiful Womanin the world! For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman inthe world.The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in theworld.And he will be ten times richer than you. " The woman said, "That'sokay, because what's mine is his and what's his is mine."So, KAZAM-she's the richest woman in the world! The frogthen inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd like a mildheart attack."Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't mess with them.Attention female readers: This is the end of the joke for you. Stophere and continue feeling good.Male readers: Please scroll down.......................................
.................The man had a heart attack ten times milder than his wife!!!Moral of the story: Women are really dumb but think they're reallysmart. Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show.PS: If you are a woman and are still reading this; it only goes to showthatwomen never listen!!!

hindi microsoft

Atyant Mulayam = Microsoft
Khidki = Window
Phaail = File
Bachao = Save
Aise Bachao = Save as
Subko Bachao = Save All
Mujhe Bachao = Help
Madad Pe Madad = Help On Help
Dhoondo = Find
Firse Dhoondo = Find Again
Hilao = Move
Chaara = Options
Bura sandesh yaa phail naam = Bad command or file name
Garbh girao, Firse koshish karo, Naakaamyab = Abort, retry,fail
chhavo = Tile
Aadmi Bhejo = Send Mail
Daak = Mail
Daakiya = Mailer
Bhaago = Run
Chhaapo = Print
Dekh Ke Chhaapo = Print Preview
Chipkao = Paste
Khaas Chipkao = Paste Special
Mitao = Delete
Kagaz Uper = Page Up
Kagaz Neeche = Page Down
Anth = End
Saaf karo = Clear
Sab Kuch Saaf Karo = Clear All
Makan = Home
Topi Ka Tala = CapsLock
Hathiyaar = Tools
Khuli Chaadar = Spreadsheet
Futaas Ki Goli Kha = Exit
Ped = Tree
Chooha = Mouse
Chooha Chalak = Mouse Driver (Software)
Tik-Tik Karo = Click
Idhar-se-Udhar,Udhar-se-Idhar Wala Danda = Scrollbar
Pardha = Screen
Pardha Bachanewala = Screen Saver
Krimi = Virus
Tika = Anti Virus
Karo = Do
Galthi = Error
Ghusao = Insert
Pahle Ghusao = Insert Before
Beech Mein ghusao = Insert Between
Baadhme Ghusao = Insert After
Chabi Phalak = Key board
Choohha Ka Bisthar = Mouse Pad
Avaaz Phodney Wali Cheez = Sound Blaster
Antarjatiya Jaal = InterNet
Baath Cheeth Dabba = Dialog Box
Chale? = Exit?

moral of the storey-3

There once was a little boy who had a badtemper. His Father gave him a bag of nailsand told him that every time he lost histemper, he must hammer a nail into the backof the fence. The first day the boy haddriven 37 nails into the fence. Over the nextfew weeks, as he learned to control hisanger, the number of nails hammered dailygradually dwindled down. He discoveredit was easier to hold his temper than todrive those nails into the fence.Finally the day came when the boy didn'tlose his temper at all. He told his fatherabout it and the father suggested that theboy now pull out one nail for each day thathe was able to hold his temper.The days passed and the young boy was finallyable to tell his father that all the nailswere gone. The father took his son by thehand and led him to the fence. He said, "Youhave done well, my son, but look at theholes in the fence. The fence will never bethe same. When you say things in anger,they leave a scar just like this one. Youcan put a knife in a man and draw it out.It won't matter how many times you say I'msorry, the wound is still there. " A verbalwound is as bad as a physical one.Friends are very rare jewels, indeed. Theymake you smile and encourage you to succeed.They lend an ear, they share words of praiseand they always want to open their hearts to us."

better friends

Men always have better friends....They will stand by you, no matter what....!!!

Friends of Women: A wife was not at home for a whole night. So she tells her husband, the very next morning, that she stayed at her (girl) friend's apartment overnight. So the husband calls 10 of her best (girl) friends and none of them confirm that she was with them.

Friends of Men: A husband was not at home for a whole night. So he tells his wife the very next morning, that he stayed at his friend's apartment over night. So the wife calls 10 of his best friends and 5 of them confirm that he stayed at their apartments that night and another 5 are claiming that he is still with them!!!!!!!!!! :) :) :)

indo-pak war

During the Cold War, if USA launched a nuke-loaded missile, Soviet satellites would inform the Soviet army in 3 seconds and in less than 45 seconds Soviet counter-missiles would d be on their way. Recent studies commissioned by US department of Defense included one on nuclear war between India and Pakistan.

This was their scenario.................
The Pakistan army decides to launch a nuke-missile towards India. They don't need any permission from their government, and promptly order the countdowns. Indian technology is highly advanced. In less than 8 seconds, Indian army detects the Pak countdown and decides to launch a missile in retribution. But they need permission from the Government of India. They submit their request to the Indian President. The President forwards it to the Cabinet. The Prime Minister calls an emergency Lok Sabha session. The LS meets, but due to several walkouts and severe protests by the opposition, it gets adjourned indefinitely. The President asks for a quick decision.
In the mean time, the Pak missile failed to take off due to technical failure. Their attempts for a re-launch are still on. Just then the Indian ruling party is reduced to a minority because a party that was giving outside support withdraws it. The President asks the PM to prove his majority within a week. As the ruling party fails to win the confidence vote, a caretaker government is installed. The caretaker PM decides to permit the armed forces to launch a nuclear missile. But the Election Commission says that a caretaker government can not take such a decision because elections are at hand. A Public Interest Litigation is filed in the Supreme Court alleging misuse of power by the Election Commission. The Supreme Court comes to the rescue of the PM, and says the acting PM is authorized to take this decision in view of the emergency facing the nation.
Just then one of the Pak missiles successfully took off, but it fell 367 miles away from the target, on its own government building at 11.00AM. Fortunately there were no casualties as no employee had reached the office that early. In any case, the nuclear core of the missile had detached somewhere in flight.
The Pakistan army is now trying to get better technologies from China and USA. The Indian Government, taking no chances, decides to launch a nuclear missile of its own, after convening an all-party meeting. This time all the parties agree.
Its three months since the army had sought permission. But as preparations begin, "pro-humanity", "anti-nuclear" activists come out against the Government's decision. Human chains are formed and Rasta rokos organised. In California and Washington endless e-mails are sent to Indians condemning the government and mentioning "Please forward it to as many Indians as possible".
On the Pakistan side, the missiles kept malfunctioning. Some missiles deviate from target due to technical failures or high-speed wind blowing over Rajasthan. Many of them land in the Indian Ocean killing some fishes. A missile (smuggled from USA) is pressed into service. Since the Pakistan army is unable to understand its software, it hits it original destination: Russia. Russians successfully intercepts the missile and in retaliation launches a nuclear missile towards Islamabad. The missile hits the target and creates havoc. Pakistan cries for help. India expresses deep regrets for what has happened and sends in a million dollars worth of Parle-G biscuits.
Thus India never gets to launch the missile. Pakistan never gets it right.
And we live happily ever after!!!!

moral of the storey-part2

Father: I want you to marry a girl of my choiceSon: 'I will choose my own bride!'
Father: 'But the girl is Bill Gates's daughter.'Son: 'Well, in that case...ok' Next Day Father approaches Bill Gates.
Father: 'I have a husband for your daughter.'Bill Gates: 'But my daughter is too young to marry!'
Father: 'But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank.'Bill Gates: 'Ah, in that case....ok'
Finally Father goes to see the president of the World Bank.
Father: 'I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president.'President: 'But I already have more vice- presidents than I need!'
Father: 'But this young man is Bill Gates's son-in-law.'President: 'Ah, in that case...ok'
This is how business is done!!
Moral: Even If you have nothing, You can get Anything.. But your Attitude should be +ve...

goutam bachan-part4

[1] Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them whiledriving.
[2] Having one child makes you a parent; having two you are a referee.
[3] Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and theother is the husband!
[4] I believe we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried - but theywanted cash.
[5] A child's greatest period of growth is the month after you've purchasednew school uniforms.
[6] Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent.
[7] Don't marry the person you want to live with, marry the one you cannotlive without, but whatever you do, you'll regret it later.
[8] You can't buy love, but you pay heavily for it.
[9] Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.
[10] Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you gettired.
[11] Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll takeit anyway.
[12] My wife and I always compromise. I admit I'm wrong and she agrees withme.
[13] Those who can't laugh at themselves leave the job to others.
[14] Ladies first. Pretty ladies sooner.
[15] A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always withthe same person.
[16] You're getting old when you enjoy remembering things more than doingthem.
[17] It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he stillends up with the same boss.
[18] Real friends are the ones who survive transitions between addressbooks.
[19] Saving is the best thing. Especially when your parents have done itfor you.
[20] Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools talk becausethey have to say something
[21] They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldomgets to speak!
[22] Man: Is there any way for long life?Dr: Get married.Man: Will it help?Dr: No, but then the thought of long life will never come.
[23]Why do couples hold hands during their wedding? It's a formality justlike two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins!
[24]Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do?Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.
[25]It's funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs. Arranged. It's likeasking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered.
[26]There is only one perfect child in the world and every mother has it.
[27]There is only one perfect wife in the world and every neighbor has it!

moral of the storey-part1

One fine day, a bus driver went to the bus garage, started his bus, and drove off along the route. No problems for the first few stops-a few people got on, a few got off, and things went generally well. At the next stop, however, a big hulk of a guy got on. Six feet eight, built like a wrestler, arms hanging down to the ground. He glared at the driver and said, "Big John doesn't pay!" and sat down at the back.

Did I mention that the driver was five feet three, thin, and meek? Well, he was. Naturally, he didn't argue with Big John, but he wasn't happy about it. The next day the same thing happened - Big John got on again, made a show of refusing to pay, and sat down. And the next day, and the one after that and so forth.

This annoyed the bus driver, who started losing sleep over the way. Big John was taking advantage of him. Finally he could stand it no longer. He signed up for body building courses, karate, judo, and all that good stuff.By the end of the summer, he had become quite strong; what's more, he felt really good about himself.

So on the next Monday, when Big John once again got on the bus and said, "Big John doesn't pay!," The driver stood up, glared back at the passenger, and screamed, "And why not?"With a surprised look on his face, Big John replied, "Big John has a bus pass."

Moral of the Story: “Be sure there is a problem in the first place before working hard to solve one."

Ant and the grasshopper

An Old Story
-----------------
The Ant works hard in the withering heat all summer building its house and laying up supplies for the winter.
The Grasshopper thinks the Ant is a fool and laughs & dances & plays the summer away.
Come winter, the Ant is warm and well fed.. The Grasshopper has no food or shelter so he dies out in the cold.
Indian Version
------------------
The Ant works hard in the withering heat all summer building its house and laying up supplies for the winter.
The Grasshopper thinks the Ant's a fool and laughs & dances & plays the summer away.
Come winter, the shivering Grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the Ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving.
NDTV, BBC, CNN show up to provide pictures of the shivering Grasshopper next to a video of the Ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food.
The World is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this be that this poor Grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?
Arundhati Roy stages a demonstration in front of the Ant's house.
Medha Patkar goes on a fast along with other Grasshoppers demanding that Grasshoppers be relocated to warmer climates during winter .
Mayawati states this as `injustice' done on Minorities.
Amnesty International and Koffi Annan criticize the Indian Government for not upholding the fundamental rights of the Grasshopper.
The Internet is flooded with online petitions seeking support to the Grasshopper (many promising Heaven and Everlasting Peace for prompt support as against the wrath of God for non-compliance) .
Opposition MPs stage a walkout. Left parties call for ' Bengal Bandh' in West Bengal and Kerala demanding a Judicial Enquiry.
CPM in Kerala immediately passes a law preventing Ants from working hard in the heat so as to bring about equality of poverty among Ants and Grasshoppers.
Lalu Prasad allocates one free coach to Grasshoppers on all Indian Railway Trains, aptly named as the 'Grasshopper Rath'.
Finally, the Judicial Committee drafts the ' Prevention of Terrorism Against Grasshoppers Act' [POTAGA], with effect from the beginning of the winter.
Arjun Singh makes 'Special Reservation ' for Grasshoppers in Educational Institutions & in Government Services.
The Ant is fined for failing to comply with POTAGA and having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes,it's home is confiscated by the Government and handed over to the Grasshopper in a ceremony covered by NDTV.
Arundhati Roy calls it ' A Triumph of Justice'.
Lalu calls it 'Socialistic Justice '.
CPM calls it the ' Revolutionary Resurgence of the Downtrodden '
Koffi Annan invites the Grasshopper to address the UN General Assembly.
Many years later.....
The Ant has since migrated to the US and set up a multi-billion dollar company in Silicon Valley,
100s of Grasshoppers still die of starvation despite reservation somewhere in India ,
...AND
As a result of loosing lot of hard working Ants and feeding the grasshoppers,....India is still a developing country !!!

goutam bachan-3

practice makes a man perfect... - But nobody's perfect..... . so why practice?

Money is not everything. - There's MasterCard & Visa.

One should love animals. - They are so tasty.

Save water. - Shower with your girl friend.

Love thy neighbour. - But don't get caught.

Behind every successful man, there is a woman - And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two.

Every man should marry. - After all, happiness is not the only thing in life.

The wise never marry - And when they marry they become otherwise.

Success is a relative term. - It brings so many relatives.

Never put off the work till tomorrow what you can put off today.

Love is photogenic - It needs darkness to develop

Children in backseats cause accidents - Accidents in backseats cause children

"Your future depends on your dreams" - So go to sleep

There should be a better way to start a day - Than waking up every morning

"Hard work never killed anybody" - But why take the risk !

"Work fascinates me" - I can look at it for hours!

God made relatives; - Thank God we can choose our friends.

When two's company, - three's the result!

The more you learn, the more you know,The more you know, the more you forgetThe more you forget, the less you know - So.... Why learn.

A bus station is where a bus stops.A train station is where train stops.On my desk, I have a work station.... what more can I say........

family problem

Two men, one American and an Indian were sitting in a bar drinking shot after shot.
The Indian man said to the American,"You know my parents are forcing me to get married to this so called homely girl from a village whom I haven't even met once. We call this arranged marriage.I don't want to marry a woman whom I don't love...I told them that openly and now have a hell lot of family problems."
The American said, "Talking about love marriages... I'll tell you my story..
I married a widow whom I deeply loved and dated for 3 years. "After a couple of years, my father fell in love with my step-daughter and so my father became my son-in-law and I became my father's father-in-law. My daughter is my mother and my wife my grandmother. More problems occurred when I had a son. My son is my father's brother and so he is my uncle. Situations turned worse when my father had a son. Now my father's son i.e. my brother is my grandson. Ultimately, I have become my own grand father and I am my own grandson.

And you say you have family problems.. ???

Escalation :) - Too Good

Programmer to Team Leader:"We can't do this proposed project.**CAN NOT**. It will involve a majordesign change and no one in our team knows the design of this legacysystem. And above that, nobody in our company knows the language in which this application has been written. So even if somebody wants to work on it, they can't. If you ask my personal opinion, the company should never take these type of projects."

Team Leader to Project Manager :"This project will involve a design change. Currently, we don't have any staff who has experience in this type of work. Also, the language is unfamiliar to us, so we will have to arrange for some training if we take this project. In my personal opinion, we are not ready to take on a project of this nature."

Project Manager to 1st Level Manager :"This project involves a design change in the system and we don't have muchexperience in that area. Also, not many people in our company areappropriately trained for it. In my personal opinion, we might be able to dothe project but we would need more time than usual to complete it."

1st Level Manager to Senior Level Manager :"This project involves design re-engineering. We have some people who haveworked in this area and others who know the implementation language. So theycan train other people. In my personal opinion we should take this project, but with caution."

Senior Level Manager to CEO :"This project will demonstrate to the industry our capabilities inremodeling the design of a complete legacy system. We have all thenecessary skills and people to execute this project successfully. Somepeople have already given in house training in this area to other staffmembers. In my personal opinion, we should not let this project slip by usunder any circumstances."

CEO to Client :"This is the type of project in which our company specializes. We haveexecuted many projects of the same nature for many large clients. Trust mewhen I say that we are the most competent firm in the industry for doingthis kind of work. It is my personal opinion that we can execute thisproject successfully and well within the given time frame."

confidence ?? !!!!

A hypothetical situation where 20 CEOs board an airplane and are told that the flight that they are about to take is the first-ever to feature pilotless technology: It is an uncrewed aircraft. Each one of the CEOs is then told, privately, that their company's software is running the aircraft's automatic pilot system. Nineteen of the CEOs promptly leave the aircraft, each offering a different type of excuse.One CEO alone remains on board the jet, seeming very calm indeed. Asked why he is so confident in this first uncrewed flight,he replies :"If it is the same software that is developed by my company's IT systems department, this plane won't even take off." !!!!

That is called Confidence!!!

smart enough to survive

Ek din ek kutta jungle main raasta kho gaya . Tabhi usane dekha ek sher uskii taraf aa raha hai. Kutte ki saans rookh gayi. "Aaj to kaam tamaam mera!" usne socha. Phir usne saamane kuchh sookhi haddiyan padi dekhi. Woh aate hue sher ki taraf peeth kar ke baith gayaaur ek sookhi hadii ko choosane laga aur zor zor se bolne laga, "wah! Sher ko khaane ka maza hi kuchh aur hai. Ek aur mil jaaye to poori daawat ho jayegi!"
Aur usne zor se dakaar mara. Is bar sher sakate mein aa gayaa. Usne socha "ye kutta to sher ka shikar karta hai! Jaan bacha kara bhago!"

Aur sher wahan se champat ho gaya .

Ped par baitha ek Bandar yeh sab tamasha dekh raha tha. Usne socha yeh mauka achha hai sher ko sari kahani bata deta hoon - sher se dosti ho jayegi aur usase zindagi bhar ke liye jaan ka khatra dur ho jayega. Woh phataphat sher ke pichhe bhaga. Kutte ne Bandar ko jaate hue dekh liya aur samajh gayaki koi locha hai. Udhar Bandar ne sher ko sab bata diya ki kaise kutte ne use bewakoof banaya hai. Sher zor se dahada, "chal mere saath abhi uski leela khatam karta hoon" aur Bandar ko
apani peeth par baitha kar sher kutte ki taraf lapka. Can u imagine the quick management by the DOG...

Kutte ne sher ko aate dekha to ek bar phir uskii taraf peeth karke baith gaya aur zor zor se bolne laga, "Is Bandar ko bhej ke 1 ghanta ho gaya , saala ek sher phaans kar nahi la sakta!"

chennai experience

how are u guys ?? i have been posted to a place called chennai . i dontknw from where i shud start its praise.someone sometime said if there is a heaven on earth its kashmir . Excuseme sir or mam whoever it was . i object and i insist its chennai .i m having gr8 time here .the weather is so good and serene . max tempis just 43 degree celcius and i dont want to know about the minimum some times it even snows and i m going to buy some winter clothes thisweekend ... i ALWAYS wanted to come to a place like this ......... i mso LOVING it ....

The sun is quite strong but it has its own advantages.If u dont have a matchbox u dont need one. stand wid ur ciggarete andafter few mins u can see fumes raising from somewhere (just be cautious, its not ur ciggarete always...u are vulnerabvle too)...i went to shopand asked for sunscrren wid spf 200 .....the lady slapped me and askedme to wear burqa.... well if ur LPG cylinder gets over always keep onesolar cooker for emergency .But u know i have used solar cooker foreveryday and LPG for emergency hehe i kknow i m so intelligent.

well whats good is that there are so many good and imp projects here andno one is on bench . i m working on 2 -3 projects together and have nofree time. they may send me onsite soon . also i may become the projectmanager though i m reluctant coz i have no damn idea what a project isI ve got a meeting with senior officials after some time and after thati have to dig my head into a 4k lines of code.Not a big deal just a 1 hrjob.I just love this place .

The food is like home cook. U can get allsorts of dosas here for Rs15 ( i know its lil costly ) and 1 roti costs8 bucks . I dont know how do they manage to give so cheap rotis . I feellike kissig them and giving 12 extra bucks as tip. The food is sodelicious and sumptous.The good thing about this place is nariyal paniits very good for skin,eyes and i dont know what other parts.There is no lang problem.By the time u will explain an auto driver whereu want to go u can walk to that place urself. It saves ur money andexercises u too. For buying vegetables me and my frnds go with onesample of each vegetable to show them.Dont dare to order something forhome delivery else u may end up eating idli instead of pizza.

One more good thing is attire . For males they can go all the possibleplaces from office (if u dont have a dress code) to pub to malls tobeachs in lungi. Its like the local national attire of this place. I mplanning to buy one but the problem is lungis over here are no brandedand if the wind is strong then u may end up giving marlyn monroe pose.

For gals gajra(malipu flowers in hair) is must . Once one lady wassitting on bus stand and one goat came from nowhere and ate her hairalong wid the flowers but these accidents happen rarely and u can alwayswear a helmet if u see a goat.shit i forgot to tell 1 imp thing . here if u go to a bar for drinkingcarry ur own laptop or ipod coz the soongs played over there are justtoo good for u to understand its value ( u dumb bozos).

they are tamilclassics from 1960's with uncles and aunty doing something , runningaround the tree making weird poses ... i m sure they were not actor andactress rather their parents but when i asked a local he got furious andsaid they were superhit jodi of their time. I swear my dad looks youngerthan the hero ......... if u want to buy beer than sorry u wont getchilled beer these ppl over here like it the other way hot ....haha hotppl hot city hot beer cheers guys ...........

a wrong e-mail id

A man checked into a hotel. There was a computer in his room, so hedecided to send an e-mail to his wife.However, he accidentally typed a wrong e-mail address, and withoutrealizing his error, he sent the e-mail.

Meanwhile... Somewhere in Houston , a widow had just returnedfromher husband's funeral. The widow decided to check her e-mail,expectingcondolence messages from relatives and friends.

After reading the first message, she fainted. The widow's son rushedinto the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computerscreen which read:

To: My Loving Wife

Subject: I've Reached

Date: 23 July 2009

I know you're surprised to hear from me. They gave computershere, and we are allowed to send e-mails to loved ones.I've just reached and have been checked in.I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow.Looking forward to seeing you TOMORROW!!

Cheers !!!

Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0

Dear Tech Support Team:

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child-processes that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activities. Applications such as Bachelor Nights 10.3, Cricket 5.0, BeerWithBuddies 7.5, and Outings 3.6 no longer runs, crashing the system whenever selected. I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 5.0 , but the 'uninstall' doesn't work on Wife 1.0.

Please help!

Thanks, "A Troubled User"

REPLY:

Dear Troubled User:

This is a very common problem that people complain about. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 5.0. It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 5.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed not to allow this. (Look in your Wife 1.0 Manual under Warnings-Alimony-Child Support) .

I recommend that you keep Wife1.0 and work on improving the environment. I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation. The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway. Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean 2.5, Sweep 3.0, Cook 1.5 and DoLaundry 4.2. However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program NagNag 9.5 . Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Sarees 2.1 and Jewellery 5.0

STATUTORY WARNING : DO NOT, under any circumstances, install SecretaryWithShortSkirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.

Best of luck, Tech Support ...

sardar returns part-3

A Tamilian call up sardar and asks " tamil therima??"Sardar got mad, angrily replied.... "Hindi tera baap!!!"

Sardar declares:.... . . I will never marry in my life &. . ... . . I'll give same advice to my children also. . . ..
A donkey kicked a Sardar & ran awaySardar ran to catch the donkey.He saw a zebra & started beating it & said 'SALA Tracksuit pahan ke dhokade raha hai'.

Sardar: Darling, years ago u had a figure like Coke bottle.Jeeto: Yes darling I still do, only differnece is earlier it was 300mlnow it's 2 ltr.

Santa went to Mysore palace.Tourist guide - Santaji plz dont sit there, its Tipu sultan's chairSanta - Oye dont worry yaar i'll get up when he comes.!!..

Sardar wanted to make a STD call to punjab,He wanted to save money so what did he do?Simple, he went to punjab and made a local call..

One tourist from U.S.A.asked to Sardar: Any great man born in this village?Sardar: No sir, only small babies!!!

Teacher: A for?Sardar: AppleTeacher: Jor se bolo?Sardar: Jay mata di.

2 sardars were fighting after exam.Sir: Y r u fighting?1st Sardar: This fool left the answer sheet blank,Sir: So what?1st Sardar: Even i did the same thing, now teacher will think that we bothcopied.

Sardar 1: I'm very kanjoos, I went 2 honeymoon alone & saved 1/2 money.Sardar 2: You R nothing I saved all my money, my friend was going & I sentmy wife with him.

Sardar is in a dissection class of cockroach. He cuts its 1 leg, andsays, "chal", it walks.He cuts 2nd and 3rd legs and said, "chal" , it walks.He cuts all the legs and said, "chal....." Finally he wrote theconclusion............ "after all the legs of a cockroach are cut - it becomes deaf......"

2 sardarjis looking at Egyptian mummy.Sar 1 : Look so many bandages, pakka lorry accident case.Sar 2 : Aaho, lorry number is also written...BC 1760!!!....

A sardar on an interview 4 da post detective.Interviewer : who killed Gandhi?Sardar : Thank u sir 4 giving me d job, I will start investigating.......

A scene from Kohn Benega Crorepati....Amitabh : In which state Cauvery flows?Sardar : Liquid state.....Audience clapped.. Amitabh stunned, looks behind, ALL WERE SARDARS.......

Boss: Where were you born?Sardar: India ...Boss: which part?Sardar: What 'which part'? Whole body was born in India

2 sardar were fixing a bomb in a car. Sardar 1: What would you do if the bombexplodes while fixing. Sardar 2: Dont worry, I have one more.

Sardar: What is the name of your car?Lady: I forgot the name, but is starts with 'T'.Sardar: Oh, what a strange car, starts with Tea. All cars that I know start with petrol.

Sardar joined new job. 1st day he worked till late evening on the computer. Boss was happy and asked what you did till evening.Sardar: Keyboard alphabets were not in order, so I made it alright.

Museum Administrator: That's a 500-year-old statue u've broken..Sardar: Thanks God! I thought it was a new one.

At the scene of an accident a man was crying: O God! I have lost my hand, oh!Sardar: Control yourself. Don't cry. See that man. He has lost his head. Is he crying?

Sardar: U cheated me.Shopkeeper: No, I sold a good radio to u.Sardar: Radio label shows Made in Japan but radio says this is 'All India Radio!

'NOW THE LAST TWO ULTIMATE:
In an interview, Interviewer: How does an electric motor run?
Sardar: Dhhuuuurrrrrrrrrr. .....
Inteviewer shouts: Stop it.
Sardar: Dhhuurrrr dhup dhup dhup....

Tourist: Whose skeleton is that?
Sardar: An old king's skeleton.
Tourist: Who's that smaller skeleton next to it?
Sardar: That was same king's skeleton when he was a child.

letter to a father

A father passing by his teenage daughter's bedroomwas astonished to see the bed was nicely made andEverything was neat and tidy. Then he saw an envelopepropped up prominently on the centre of the pillow. Itwas addressed "Dad".

With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope andread the letter with trembling hands:-

Dear Dad,It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writingyou, but I'm leaving home. I had to elope with my newboyfriend Saim because I wanted to avoid a scene withMom and you.I've been finding real passion with Saim and he is sonice to me. I know when you meet him you'll like himtoo - even with all his piercing, tattoos, andmotorcycle clothes.But it's not only the passion Dad, I'm pregnant andSaim said that he wants me to have the kid and that wecan be very happy together. Even though Saim is mucholder than me (anyway, 42 isn't so old these days isit?), and has no money, really these things shouldn'ttand in the way of our relationship, don't you agree?Saim has a great CD collection; he already owns atrailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood forthe whole winter.It's true he has other girlfriends as well but I knowhe'll be faithful to me in his own way. He wants tohave many more children with me and that's now one ofmy dreams too.Saim taught me that marijuana doesn't really hurtanyone and he'll be growing it for us and we'll tradeit with our friends for all the cocaine and ecstasy wewant. In the meantime, we'll pray that science willfind a cure for AIDS so Saim can get better; he suredeserves it!!Don't worry Dad, I'm 15 years old now and I know howto take care of myself. Someday I'm sure we'll be backto visit so you can get to know your grandchildren.

Your loving daughter,Rosie.

At the bottom of the page were the letters "PTO".Hands still trembling, her father turned the sheet,and read:PS: Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at theneighbour's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my report cardthat's in my desk centre drawer.Please sign it and call when it is safe for me to comehome.

I love you!Thanks and regards

An Old Monkey Story With A New Ending

It's an old story that we read in Class 3 but with a new ending.

A hat-seller who was passing by a forest decided to take a nap underone ofthe trees,so he left his whole basket of hats by the side. A few hours later, he wokeup and realized that all his hats were gone.He looked up and to his surprise, the tree was full of monkeys andthey hadtaken all his hats..The hat seller sits down and thinks of how he can get the hats down.While thinking he started to scratch his head. The next moment, themonkeyswere doing the same.

Next, he took down his own hat, the monkeys did exactly the same. Anideacame to his mind*He took his hat and threw it on the floor and the monkeys did that too. So he finally managed to get all his hats back.

Fifty years later, his grandson, Sukhwinder, also became a hat-seller and had heard this monkey story from his grandfather.One day, just like his grandfather, he passed by the same forest. Itwasvery hot, and he took a nap under thesame tree and left the hats on the floor.He woke up and realized that all his hats were taken by the monkeys onthetree.He remembered his grandfather' s words, started scratching his head andthemonkeys followed.

He took down his hat and fanned himself and again the monkeysfollowed.Now, very convinced of his grandfather' s idea, Sukhwinder threw hishat onthe floor but to his surprise,the monkeys still held on to all the hats.

Then one monkey climbed down the tree, grabbed the hat on the floor,gavehim a slap andGuess!!! Said what???************ **************** *..***********. .*********..*************..****.*****.*.*.....

"You think only you have a grandfather !!!???"

i believe

> I believe -
> . . . that just because two people argue, it
> doesn't mean they don't love each other.
> And just because they don't argue, it doesn't
> mean they do.
>
> I believe -
> . . . that we don't have to change friends if we
> understand that friends change.
>
> I believe -
> . . . that no matter how good a friend is, they're
> going to hurt you every once in a while and you
> must forgive them for that.
>
> I believe -
> . . . that true friendship continues to grow, even
> over the longest distance. Same goes for true
> Love.
>
> I believe -
> . . . that you can do something in an instant that
> will give you heartache for life.
>
> I believe -
> . . . that it's taking me a long time to become
> the person I want to be.
>
>
> I believe -
> . . . that you should always leave loved ones with
> loving words. It may be the last time you see
> them.
>
> I believe -
> . . . that you can keep going long after you think
> you can't.
>
> I believe -
> . . . That we are responsible for what we do, no
> matter how we feel.
>
> I believe -
> . . . that either you control your attitude or it
> controls you.
>
> I believe -
> . . that heroes are the people who do what has
> to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of
> the consequences.
>
> I believe -
> . . . that money is a lousy way of keeping score.
>
> I believe -
> . . . that my best friend and I can do anything or
> nothing and have the best time.
>
>
> I believe -
> . . . that sometimes the people you expect to kick
> you when you're down, will be the ones to help you
> get back up.
>
>
> I believe -
> . . . that sometimes when I'm angry I have the
> right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the
> right to be cruel.
>
>
> I believe -
> . . . that maturity has more to do with what types
> of
> experiences you've had and what you've learned
> from them and less to do with how many birthdays
> you've celebrated.
>
>
> I believe -
> . . . that it isn't always enough to be forgiven
> by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive
> yourself.
>
>
> I believe -
> . . . that no matter how bad your heart is broken
> the world doesn't stop for your grief.
>
>
> I believe -
> . . . that our background and circumstances may
> have influenced who we are, but we are responsible
> for who we become.
>
>
> I believe -
> . . . that you shouldn't be so eager to find out a
> secret. It could change your life
> forever.
>
> I believe -
> . . . two people can look at the exact same thing
> and see something totally different.
>
> I believe -
> . . . that your life can be changed in a matter of
> hours by people who don't even know you.
>
> I believe -
> . . . that even when you think you have no more to
> give, when a friend cries out to you - you will
> find the strength to help.
>
> I believe -
> . . . that credentials on the wall do not make you
> a decent human being.
>
> I believe -
> . . . that the people you care about most in life
> are taken from you too soon.

S/W Engineer n his soft storey

Once a Smart Software Engineer and his Project Manager were traveling towards Ooty in a train. Just Opposite to their seat, a beautiful girl was sitting along with her grand ma.

With in some time, Eye to Eye interactions started between our engineer & that girl. After some minutes, train started moving in to a tunnel and it was very dark. Suddenly, every body heard a Kiss sound followed by a sound of slapping.. Every body remained silent, when the train came out of the tunnel. Grand ma thought that," The Guy is a rogue; how dare he kissed my grand daughter! But my Grand daughter is genuine; she immediately slapped that guy." PM thought that,"I can't believe that this guy has kissed that girl! But it is unfair that she slapped me by mistake" That girl thought that,"I feel happy, when that guy kissed me, but I feel sorry that my grand ma has slapped him". Finally, do u know what our clever Design engineer thought?
Think. . . . . . . . . .

“This one minute in my life is wonderful, it hardly comes...because, at a time I have kissed a girl and also I have slapped my PM."

BUTT ICONS

We all know those cute little computer symbols called 'emoticons,'

where:

:) means a smile and

:( is a frown.

Sometimes these are represented by :-) and :-(

Well, how about some ' BUTT ICONS?'

Here goes:

(_!_) a regular ass

(__!__) a fat ass

(!) a tight ass

(_*_) a sore ass

{_!_} a swishy ass

(_o_) an ass that's been around

(_x_) kiss my ass

(_X_) leave my ass alone

(_zzz_) a tired ass

(_E=mc2_) a smart ass

(_$_) Money coming out of his ass

(_?_) Dumb Ass

icici bank-

Rajiv and Tina are flying to Australia for a two-week vacation to celebrate their 40th anniversary. Suddenly, over the public address system, the Captain announces, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning and we will attempt an emergency landing. Luckily, I see an uncharted island below us and we should be able to land on the beach. However, the odds are that we may never be rescued and will have to live on the island for the rest of our lives!" Thanks to the skill of the flight crew, the plane lands safely on the island.

An hour later Rajiv turns to his wife and asks, "Tina, did we pay our Rs 5 lakh deposit cheque yet to ICICI Bank?" "No, sweetheart," she responds. Rajiv, still shaken from the crash landing, then asks, "Tina, did we pay our ICICI Bank Master card yet?" "Oh no! I'm sorry. I forgot to send the cheque," she says. "One last thing, Tina, Did you remember to send cheques for the auto loan to them too this month?" he asks. "Oh, forgive me, Rajiv," begged Tina. "I didn't send that one, either."

Rajiv grabs her and gives her the biggest kiss in 40 years. Tina pulls away and asks him, "So, why did you kiss me?" Rajiv answers, " They'll find us !"

THE SHOPPER- ultimate

A woman was in town on a shopping trip. She found the most perfect shoes in the first shop, and a beautiful dress in the second. She had just entered the third shop where everything had just been reduced fifty percent when her mobile phone rang.

It was a female doctor notifying her that her husband had just been in a terrible car accident and was in critical condition in the ICU. The woman told the doctor to tell her husband that she'd be there as soon as possible. When she hung up, she realized she was leaving what was shaping up to be her best day ever shopping in these boutiques, so she decided to just look in two or three more before heading to the hospital.

Anyhow, she ended up shopping the rest of the morning, finishing her trip with a cup of coffee and a beautiful chocolate cake compliments of the last shop. She was jubilant. Then she remembered her husband. Feeling guilty, she dashed to the hospital.

She saw the doctor in the corridor and asked about her husband's condition. The lady doctor glared at her and shouted, "You went ahead and finished your shopping trip didn't you? I hope you're proud of yourself! While you were out for the past four hours enjoying yourself shopping, your husband has been languishing in the Intensive Care Unit! It's just as well you went ahead and finished, because it's likely be the last shopping trip you will ever make! For the rest of his life he will require round-the-clock care. And he will now be your responsibility!"

The woman felt so guilty she broke down and cried and cried.

The lady doctor then laughed and said, "I'm just pulling your leg. He's dead. Show me what you bought.

India shining.. JAY HO... :)

An Indian walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. He tells the loan officer that he is going to
India on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.
The bank officer tells him that the bank will need some form of security for the loan, so the Indian man hands over the keys
to a new Ferrari parked on the street in front of the bank. He produces the title and everything checks out. The loan officer
agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan.
The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the Indian for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral against
a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then drives the Ferrari into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.
Two weeks later, the Indian returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41.The loan officer says, "Sir,
we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled.
While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multi millionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother
to borrow "$5,000"
The Indian replies: "Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there
when I return'"
Ah, the mind of the Indian...//This is why India is shining...

a cool forum topic

Title: What should I do to marry a rich guy?
I'm going to be honest of what I'm going to say here. I'm 25 this year. I'm very pretty, have style and good taste. I wish to marry a guy with $500k annual salary or above. You might say that I'm greedy, but an annual salary of $1M is considered only as middle class in New York. My requirement is not high. Is there anyone in this forum who has an income of $500k annual salary? Are you all married? I wanted to
ask: what should I do to marry rich persons like you? Among those I've dated, the richest is $250k annual income, and it seems that this is my upper limit. If someone is going to move into high cost residential area on the west of New York CityGarden(?), $250k annual income is not enough.
I'm here humbly to ask a few questions:
1) Where do most rich bachelors hang out? (Please list down the names and addresses of bars, restaurant, gym)
2) Which age group should I target?
3) Why most wives of the riches is only average-looking? I've met a few girls who doesn't have looks and are not interesting, but they are able to marry rich guys
4) How do you decide who can be your wife, and who can only be your girlfriend? (my target now is to get married)
Ms. Pretty

Awesome reply:
Dear Ms. Pretty,
I have read your post with great interest. Guess there are lots of girls out there who have similar questions like yours. Please allow me to analyse your situation as a professional investor. My annual income is more than $500k, which meets your requirement, so I hope everyone believes that I'm not wasting time here. From the standpoint of a business person, it is a bad decision to marry you.. The answer is very simple, so let me explain.
Put the details aside, what you're trying to do is an exchange of 'beauty' and 'money': Person A provides beauty, and Person B pays for it, fair and square. However, there's a deadly problem here, your beauty will fade, but my money will not be gone without any good reason. The fact is, my income might increase from year to year, but you can't be prettier year after year. Hence from the viewpoint of economics, I am an appreciation asset, and you are a depreciation asset. It's not just normal depreciation, but exponential depreciation. If that is your only asset, your value will be much worried 10 years later.
By the terms we use in Wall Street, every trading has a position, dating with you is also a 'trading position'. If the trade value dropped we will sell it and it is not a good idea to keep it for long term - same goes with the marriage that you wanted. It might be cruel to say this, but in order to make a wiser decision any assets with great depreciation value will be sold or 'leased'. Anyone with over $500k annual income is not a fool; we would only date you, but will not marry you. I would advice that you forget looking for any clues to marry a rich guy. And by the way, you could make yourself to become a rich person with $500k annual income. This has better chance than finding a rich fool.
Hope this reply helps. If you are interested in 'leasing' services, do contact me...
signed,

CEO J.P. Morgan

and... God finally created the man

GOD created the DONKEY and told him, 'You will work tireless from sunrise up to sunset, carrying heavy bags on your back, you will eat grass. You will not have intelligence and you will live 50 years. You will be a DONKEY!'
The DONKEY answered, 'I will be a DONKEY, but living 50 years is too much, give me only 20 years!' and GOD gave him 20 years.
GOD created DOG and told him ' You will look after man's house, you will be his best friend, you will eat whatever they give you and you will live 25years, You will be a DOG!'
The DOG answered 'GOD, living 25 years is too much, give only 10 years!' and GOD gave him 10 years.
GOD created the MONKEY and told him, 'you will jump from branch to branch you will do silly things, you will be amusing and you will live 20 years, you will be a MONKEY!'
The MONKEY answered ' GOD, living 20 years is too much , give me only 10 years!' and GOD gave him 10 years.
Finally,
GOD created MAN and told him, 'you will be a MAN the only rational being on this earth and you will use your intelligence to control other animals, you will dominate the world and you will live for 20 years.
The MAN answered, GOD I will be a man but living 20 years is not enough, why don't you give me the 30 years that the DONKEY refused, the 15 years that the DOG didn't want and the 10 years that the MONKEY refused ?'
That was exactly what GOD did, and since then:
MAN lives 20 years like a MAN, then he gets married and spends 30 years like a DONKEY, working and carrying the load on his back. Then, when his children leave he spends 15 years like DOG looking after the house and eating whatever is given to him. Then he gets old, retires and spends 10 years like a MONKEY, jumping from house to house or from children to children, doing silly things to amuse his grandchildren

sardar returns-part1

One tourist from U.S.A. asked to Sardar: Any great man born in this village???Sardar: no sir, only small Babies!!!

Doctor to patient: You will die within 2 hours. Do you want to see any one before you die?Patient: Yes. A good doctor.

One sardarji professor asked a plumber to come to his college.U know why?Because he wanted to check from where the question paper is leaking...

Sardar: My mobile bill how much?Call centre girl: sir, just dial 123to know current bill statusSardar: Stupid, not CURRENT BILL my MOBILE BILL.

Q: How do you make a sardarji laugh on Saturday?A: Tell him a joke on Wednesday.

Sardar built 2 Swimming Pools. And he left one of them unfilled y?When asked him, he said,"Oye, that's for those who don't know Swimming.

Wife-Oye ji, Sunte Ho,Utho Utho,Raat ke 2 baje he.Husband- itni rat ko Q...Uthaya MujheWife-Aap neend ki goli Lena to bhul Hi gaye..!

Santa : "Ek litre Gaaye Ka Dhoodh Dena."Banta : "Lekin Tumhara Bartan To Bahut Chhota Hai."Santa :"Theek He To Fir BAKRI Ka De de.."

Santa- Meine shadi isliye ki, kyunki me Kapde aur Bartan dho dhoke thak gaya tha.Banta- Ajeeb baat hai, maine isi wajah se "divorce" liya..

Interviewer>To bataiye PANI ke bina Insan kaise Marega?Sardar>PANI nai hoga to Insan Tairega kaise? Aur Tairega nahi to doob jayega!

SARDAR:: Beta ye kaisi machis lay kar aaye ho ek bhi nahi jal rahiSON :: kya baat kartay ho pappa sub check kar kay laya hoooon

Shopkeeper: "ISke Saath koi gift nahin hai bhaisaab"Sardar : "Oye ispe likha hai CHOLESTROL FREE!!"

A sardarji Doctor falls in Love with a Nurse.He writes a love letter to the Nurse :- I Love
U sister...

Ek sardar Indian Flag lene shop mein gaya tha. Shopwale ne usse flag diya. Sardar bola: Isme
aur colour dikhao!!!

Sardar: I think that girl is deaf..Friend: How do u know?Sardar: I told I Love her, but she said her chappals are new

Friend: I got a brand new Ford IKON for my wife!Sardar: Wow!!! That's an unbelievable exchange offer!!!

Teacher: Which is the oldest animal in world?Sardar: ZEBRATeacher: How?Sardar: Bcoz it is Black & White

Sardar: Miss, Do u called 2 my mobile?Teacher: Me? No, why?Sardar: Yesterday I saw in my mobile- "1 Miss Call".

Judge: Don't U have shame? It is d 3rd time U R coming to court.Sardar to judge: U R coming daily, don't U have shame?

Question: "Should Women have Children after 35?"Smart Sardar Replied: "No!35 Children R More than Enough!!"

Sir: What is difference between Orange and Apple?Sardar: Color of Orange is orange, but color of Apple is not APPLE.

Sardar attending an interview in Software Company.Manager: Do U know MS Office?Sardar: If U give me the address I will go there sir.

Sardar in airplane going 2 Bombay .. While its landing he shouted: " Bombay ... Bombay "Air hostess said: "B silent."Sardar: "Ok. Ombay. Ombay"

Sardar got a sms from his girl friend:"I MISS YOU"Sardarji replied:"I Mr YOU" !!.

Sardar: Doctor! My Son swallowed a keyDoctor: When?Sardar: 3 Months AgoDr:Wat were u doing till now?Sardar: We were using duplicate key

Why Sardar opens his lunch box in the middle of the road???Just 2 confirm whether he is going to or coming back from the office....

Son: papa, 4+3 kithne hai?Sardar: ullu ke patthe gadhe idiot naalaayak besharam tujhe kuch nahi aathaa? Jaa andhar se
CALCULATOR le ke Aa..

After finishing MBBS Sardar started his practice. He Checked 1st Patient's Eyes, Tongue &
Ears By Torch &Finallly Said:"Torch is okay"

Sardar1: Oye, what will happen if electricity is not discovered?Sardar2: Nothing, we must watch TV in candle light.

Teacher: "What is common between JESUS, KRISHNA , RAM, GANDHI and BUDHA?"Sardar: "All are born on government holidays...!!!

European English:

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5-year phase-in plan that would become known as 'Euro-English'.

In the first year, 's' will replace the soft 'c'.

Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy.

The hard 'c' will be dropped in favour of 'k'.

This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm .

in the sekond year when the troublesome 'ph' will be replaced with 'f'.. This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where! more komplikated changes are possible.
Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent 'e' in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing 'th' with 'z' and 'w' with 'v'.

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary 'o' kan be dropd from vords kontaining 'ou' and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.

somthing about EGO..

There was once a scientist. After a lot of practice & efforts, he developed a formula & learned the art of reproducing himself. He did it so perfectly that it was impossible to tell the reproduction from the original.
One day while doing his research, he realized that the Angel of Death was searching for him. In order to remain alive he reproduced a dozen copies of himself. The reproduction was so similar that all of them looked exactly like him.
Now when this Angel of Death came down, he was at a loss to know which of the thirteen before him was the original scientist, & confused, he left them all alone & returned back to heaven.
But, not for long, for being an expert in human nature, the Angel came up with a clever idea. He said to the scientist addressing all thirteen of them, "Sir, you must be a genius to have succeeded in making such perfect reproduction formula of yourself. However, I have discovered a flaw in your work, just one tiny little flaw."
The scientist immediately jumped out & shouted,
"Impossible! where is the flaw?"
"Right here" said the Angel, as he picked up the scientist from among the reproductions & carried him off.
The whole purpose of the scientist & his formula of reproduction failed as he could not control his pride, so he lost his life. So when man's Knowledge & Skills takes him to the top of the ladder & makes him successful, the three letter word "EGO" can pull him down to earth immediately at double speed.

modern panchatantra

Once upon a time, there was a software engineer who used to develop programs on his Pentium machine, sitting under a tree on the banks of a river. He used to earn his bread by selling those programs in the Sunday market.
One day, while he was working, his machine tumbled off the table and fell in the river. Encouraged by the Panchatantra story of his childhood (the woodcutter and the axe)
He started praying to the River Goddess. The River Goddess wanted to test him and so appeared only after one month of rigorous prayers. The engineer told her that he had lost his computer in the river.
As usual, the Goddess wanted to test his honesty. She showed him a match box and asked, " Is this your computer ?" Disappointed by the Goddess' lack of computer awareness, the engineer replied, " No."
She next showed him a pocket-sized calculator and asked if that was his. Annoyed, the engineer said "No, not at all!!" Finally, she came up with his own Pentium machine and asked if it was his. The engineer, left with no option, sighed and said " Yes."
The River Goddess was happy with his honesty. She was about to give Him all three items, but before she could make the offer, the engineer Asked her, "Don't you know that you're supposed to show me some better computers before bringing up my own ?"
The River Goddess, angered at this, replied, "I know that, you stupid donkey! The first two things I showed you were the Trillennium and the Billennium, the latest computers from IBM !". So saying, she disappeared with the Pentium!!
Moral : If you're not up-to-date with technology trends , it's better to keep your mouth shut and let people think you're a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt

a fantastic weekend

A young man walked into a jeweller's shop late one Friday, with a beautiful young lady on his side.
"I'm looking for a special ring for my girlfriend" he said.
The jeweller looks through his stock, and takes out an outstanding ring priced at $4500.
"I don't think you understand ... I want something very unique", he said.
At that, the jeweller went and fetched his special stock from the safe.
"Here's one stunning ring at $33000."
The girls' eyes sparkled, and the young man said that he would take it.
"How are you paying?"
"I'll pay by cheque, but of course the bank would want to make sure that everything is in order, so I'll write a cheque and you can phone the bank Monday and I'll collect the ring on Monday afternoon".
Monday morning a very irate jeweller phones the man.
"You lied there's no money in that account."
"I know, but can you imagine what a Fantastic WEEKEND I had?"

Guju storey

A family in Gujarat was puzzled when the coffin of their dead mother (Ba) arrived from the US .

It was sent by one of the daughters.

The dead body was very tightly squeezed inside the coffin, with no space left in it when they opened the lid; they found a letter on top addressed to her brothers and sisters:

Dear Chandrakantbhai, Arvindbhai, Smitaben and Varsha,I am sending Ba's body to you,

since it was her wish that she should be cremated in the compound of our ancestral home in GUJARAT .

Sorry, I could not come along as all of my paid leave is consumed.

You will find inside the coffin, under Ba's body, cans of cheese,10 packets of Tobler chocolates and 8 packets of Badam (peanuts) please divide these among all of you.

On Ba's feet you will find a new pair of Reebok shoes (size 10) for Mohan.

There are also 2 pairs of shoes for Radha's and Lakshmi's sons.

Hope the sizes are correct. Ba is wearing 6 American T-Shirts. The large size is for Mohan.Just distribute the rest among yourselves.

The 2 new Jeans that Ba is wearing are for the boys.

The Swiss watch that Reema wanted is on Ba's left wrist.

Shanta masi, Ba is wearing the necklace, earrings and ring that you asked for.

Please take them off her.

The 6 white cotton socks that Ba is wearing must be divided among my nephews.Please distribute all these fairly.

PS : If anything more required let me know soon as Bapuji is also not feeling too well now a days

ever wondered.. why ???

Why lemon juice is made with artificial flavour, while dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons?

Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why you don't ever see the headline: "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

Why "abbreviated" is such a long word?

Why Doctors call what they do "practice"?

Why you have to click on "Start" to stop Windows 98?

Why the man who invests all your money is called a "Broker"?

Why there isn't mouse flavoured cat food?Who tastes dog food when it has a "new & improved" flavour?
Why Noah didn't swat those two mosquitoes?

Why they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

Why they don't make the whole plane out of the material used for the indestructible black box?

Why sheep don't shrink when it rains?

Why they are called apartments when they are all stuck together?

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

Why they call the airport "the terminal" if flying is so safe?

AND... In case you need further proof that the human race is doomed because of stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.

On a Myer hairdryer: "Do not use while sleeping". - (Darn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair).

On a bag of Chips: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. - Details inside. (The shoplifter special?)

On a bar of Palmolive soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap". - (And that would be how???)

On some frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost". - (But, it's just a suggestion).

On Nanna's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down". -(Well...duh, a bit late, huh)!

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating". -(And you thought????. ..)

On packaging for a K-Mart iron: "Do not iron clothes on body". -(But wouldn't this save me more time?)

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication". - (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5 year olds with head colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness". - (And...I'm taking this because???)

On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only". - (As opposed to...what?)

On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use". - (Now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

On Nobby's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts". - (Talk about a news flash!)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts". - (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)

I don't blame the company, I blame the parents for this one:On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly".

On a Swedish Chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals".(Was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

some definations

Philosopher:A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead

Diplomat:A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip

Opportunist:A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river

Optimist:A person who while falling from Eiffel Tower says in midway See I am not injured yet

Pessimist:A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO, Instead of the first letter in word OPPORTUNITY

Miser:A person who lives poor so that he can die rich

Father:A banker provided by nature

Criminal:A guy no different from the rest except that he got caught

Boss:Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early

Politician:One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after

Doctor:A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills

Cigarette: A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool at the other

Love affairs:Something like cricket where one-day internationals are more popular than a five-day test

Marriage:It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master

Divorce:Future tense of marriage

Lecture:An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through the minds of either

Conference:The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present

Compromise:The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece

Tears:The hydraulic force by which masculine will power is defeated by feminine waterpower

Dictionary:A place where divorce comes before marriage

Conference Room:A place where everybody talks, nobody listens & everybody disagrees later on

Ecstasy:A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before

Classic:A book which people praise, but do not read

Smile:A curve that can set a lot of things straight

Office:A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life

Yawn:The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth

Etc:A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do

Committee:Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together

Experience:The name men give to their mistakes

Atom Bomb:An invention to end all inventions

One Liners about WIFE

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
David Bissonette



After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.
Sacha Guitry



By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.

Socrates



Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
Anonymous



The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a woman want?"
Dumas



I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
Sigmund Freud



'Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.'
Anonymous



'There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage.'
Sam Kinison



'I've had bad luck with both my wives.
The first one left me, and the second one didn't.'
James Holt McGavra



Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming 1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it, 2. Whenever you're right, shut up.
Patrick Murra



The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once....
Nash



You know what I did before I married?
Anything I wanted to.
Anonymous



My wife and I were happy for twenty years.
Then we met.
Henny Youngman



A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

Rodney Dangerfield



A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: 'Wife wanted'. Next day he received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing: 'You can have mine.'
Anonymous



First Guy (proudly): 'My wife's an angel!' Second Guy: 'You're lucky, mine's still alive.'
Anonymous