moral of the storey-part2

Father: I want you to marry a girl of my choiceSon: 'I will choose my own bride!'
Father: 'But the girl is Bill Gates's daughter.'Son: 'Well, in that case...ok' Next Day Father approaches Bill Gates.
Father: 'I have a husband for your daughter.'Bill Gates: 'But my daughter is too young to marry!'
Father: 'But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank.'Bill Gates: 'Ah, in that case....ok'
Finally Father goes to see the president of the World Bank.
Father: 'I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president.'President: 'But I already have more vice- presidents than I need!'
Father: 'But this young man is Bill Gates's son-in-law.'President: 'Ah, in that case...ok'
This is how business is done!!
Moral: Even If you have nothing, You can get Anything.. But your Attitude should be +ve...

goutam bachan-part4

[1] Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them whiledriving.
[2] Having one child makes you a parent; having two you are a referee.
[3] Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and theother is the husband!
[4] I believe we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried - but theywanted cash.
[5] A child's greatest period of growth is the month after you've purchasednew school uniforms.
[6] Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent.
[7] Don't marry the person you want to live with, marry the one you cannotlive without, but whatever you do, you'll regret it later.
[8] You can't buy love, but you pay heavily for it.
[9] Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.
[10] Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you gettired.
[11] Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll takeit anyway.
[12] My wife and I always compromise. I admit I'm wrong and she agrees withme.
[13] Those who can't laugh at themselves leave the job to others.
[14] Ladies first. Pretty ladies sooner.
[15] A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always withthe same person.
[16] You're getting old when you enjoy remembering things more than doingthem.
[17] It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he stillends up with the same boss.
[18] Real friends are the ones who survive transitions between addressbooks.
[19] Saving is the best thing. Especially when your parents have done itfor you.
[20] Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools talk becausethey have to say something
[21] They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldomgets to speak!
[22] Man: Is there any way for long life?Dr: Get married.Man: Will it help?Dr: No, but then the thought of long life will never come.
[23]Why do couples hold hands during their wedding? It's a formality justlike two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins!
[24]Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do?Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.
[25]It's funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs. Arranged. It's likeasking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered.
[26]There is only one perfect child in the world and every mother has it.
[27]There is only one perfect wife in the world and every neighbor has it!

moral of the storey-part1

One fine day, a bus driver went to the bus garage, started his bus, and drove off along the route. No problems for the first few stops-a few people got on, a few got off, and things went generally well. At the next stop, however, a big hulk of a guy got on. Six feet eight, built like a wrestler, arms hanging down to the ground. He glared at the driver and said, "Big John doesn't pay!" and sat down at the back.

Did I mention that the driver was five feet three, thin, and meek? Well, he was. Naturally, he didn't argue with Big John, but he wasn't happy about it. The next day the same thing happened - Big John got on again, made a show of refusing to pay, and sat down. And the next day, and the one after that and so forth.

This annoyed the bus driver, who started losing sleep over the way. Big John was taking advantage of him. Finally he could stand it no longer. He signed up for body building courses, karate, judo, and all that good stuff.By the end of the summer, he had become quite strong; what's more, he felt really good about himself.

So on the next Monday, when Big John once again got on the bus and said, "Big John doesn't pay!," The driver stood up, glared back at the passenger, and screamed, "And why not?"With a surprised look on his face, Big John replied, "Big John has a bus pass."

Moral of the Story: “Be sure there is a problem in the first place before working hard to solve one."

Ant and the grasshopper

An Old Story
-----------------
The Ant works hard in the withering heat all summer building its house and laying up supplies for the winter.
The Grasshopper thinks the Ant is a fool and laughs & dances & plays the summer away.
Come winter, the Ant is warm and well fed.. The Grasshopper has no food or shelter so he dies out in the cold.
Indian Version
------------------
The Ant works hard in the withering heat all summer building its house and laying up supplies for the winter.
The Grasshopper thinks the Ant's a fool and laughs & dances & plays the summer away.
Come winter, the shivering Grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the Ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving.
NDTV, BBC, CNN show up to provide pictures of the shivering Grasshopper next to a video of the Ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food.
The World is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this be that this poor Grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?
Arundhati Roy stages a demonstration in front of the Ant's house.
Medha Patkar goes on a fast along with other Grasshoppers demanding that Grasshoppers be relocated to warmer climates during winter .
Mayawati states this as `injustice' done on Minorities.
Amnesty International and Koffi Annan criticize the Indian Government for not upholding the fundamental rights of the Grasshopper.
The Internet is flooded with online petitions seeking support to the Grasshopper (many promising Heaven and Everlasting Peace for prompt support as against the wrath of God for non-compliance) .
Opposition MPs stage a walkout. Left parties call for ' Bengal Bandh' in West Bengal and Kerala demanding a Judicial Enquiry.
CPM in Kerala immediately passes a law preventing Ants from working hard in the heat so as to bring about equality of poverty among Ants and Grasshoppers.
Lalu Prasad allocates one free coach to Grasshoppers on all Indian Railway Trains, aptly named as the 'Grasshopper Rath'.
Finally, the Judicial Committee drafts the ' Prevention of Terrorism Against Grasshoppers Act' [POTAGA], with effect from the beginning of the winter.
Arjun Singh makes 'Special Reservation ' for Grasshoppers in Educational Institutions & in Government Services.
The Ant is fined for failing to comply with POTAGA and having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes,it's home is confiscated by the Government and handed over to the Grasshopper in a ceremony covered by NDTV.
Arundhati Roy calls it ' A Triumph of Justice'.
Lalu calls it 'Socialistic Justice '.
CPM calls it the ' Revolutionary Resurgence of the Downtrodden '
Koffi Annan invites the Grasshopper to address the UN General Assembly.
Many years later.....
The Ant has since migrated to the US and set up a multi-billion dollar company in Silicon Valley,
100s of Grasshoppers still die of starvation despite reservation somewhere in India ,
...AND
As a result of loosing lot of hard working Ants and feeding the grasshoppers,....India is still a developing country !!!

goutam bachan-3

practice makes a man perfect... - But nobody's perfect..... . so why practice?

Money is not everything. - There's MasterCard & Visa.

One should love animals. - They are so tasty.

Save water. - Shower with your girl friend.

Love thy neighbour. - But don't get caught.

Behind every successful man, there is a woman - And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two.

Every man should marry. - After all, happiness is not the only thing in life.

The wise never marry - And when they marry they become otherwise.

Success is a relative term. - It brings so many relatives.

Never put off the work till tomorrow what you can put off today.

Love is photogenic - It needs darkness to develop

Children in backseats cause accidents - Accidents in backseats cause children

"Your future depends on your dreams" - So go to sleep

There should be a better way to start a day - Than waking up every morning

"Hard work never killed anybody" - But why take the risk !

"Work fascinates me" - I can look at it for hours!

God made relatives; - Thank God we can choose our friends.

When two's company, - three's the result!

The more you learn, the more you know,The more you know, the more you forgetThe more you forget, the less you know - So.... Why learn.

A bus station is where a bus stops.A train station is where train stops.On my desk, I have a work station.... what more can I say........

family problem

Two men, one American and an Indian were sitting in a bar drinking shot after shot.
The Indian man said to the American,"You know my parents are forcing me to get married to this so called homely girl from a village whom I haven't even met once. We call this arranged marriage.I don't want to marry a woman whom I don't love...I told them that openly and now have a hell lot of family problems."
The American said, "Talking about love marriages... I'll tell you my story..
I married a widow whom I deeply loved and dated for 3 years. "After a couple of years, my father fell in love with my step-daughter and so my father became my son-in-law and I became my father's father-in-law. My daughter is my mother and my wife my grandmother. More problems occurred when I had a son. My son is my father's brother and so he is my uncle. Situations turned worse when my father had a son. Now my father's son i.e. my brother is my grandson. Ultimately, I have become my own grand father and I am my own grandson.

And you say you have family problems.. ???

Escalation :) - Too Good

Programmer to Team Leader:"We can't do this proposed project.**CAN NOT**. It will involve a majordesign change and no one in our team knows the design of this legacysystem. And above that, nobody in our company knows the language in which this application has been written. So even if somebody wants to work on it, they can't. If you ask my personal opinion, the company should never take these type of projects."

Team Leader to Project Manager :"This project will involve a design change. Currently, we don't have any staff who has experience in this type of work. Also, the language is unfamiliar to us, so we will have to arrange for some training if we take this project. In my personal opinion, we are not ready to take on a project of this nature."

Project Manager to 1st Level Manager :"This project involves a design change in the system and we don't have muchexperience in that area. Also, not many people in our company areappropriately trained for it. In my personal opinion, we might be able to dothe project but we would need more time than usual to complete it."

1st Level Manager to Senior Level Manager :"This project involves design re-engineering. We have some people who haveworked in this area and others who know the implementation language. So theycan train other people. In my personal opinion we should take this project, but with caution."

Senior Level Manager to CEO :"This project will demonstrate to the industry our capabilities inremodeling the design of a complete legacy system. We have all thenecessary skills and people to execute this project successfully. Somepeople have already given in house training in this area to other staffmembers. In my personal opinion, we should not let this project slip by usunder any circumstances."

CEO to Client :"This is the type of project in which our company specializes. We haveexecuted many projects of the same nature for many large clients. Trust mewhen I say that we are the most competent firm in the industry for doingthis kind of work. It is my personal opinion that we can execute thisproject successfully and well within the given time frame."

confidence ?? !!!!

A hypothetical situation where 20 CEOs board an airplane and are told that the flight that they are about to take is the first-ever to feature pilotless technology: It is an uncrewed aircraft. Each one of the CEOs is then told, privately, that their company's software is running the aircraft's automatic pilot system. Nineteen of the CEOs promptly leave the aircraft, each offering a different type of excuse.One CEO alone remains on board the jet, seeming very calm indeed. Asked why he is so confident in this first uncrewed flight,he replies :"If it is the same software that is developed by my company's IT systems department, this plane won't even take off." !!!!

That is called Confidence!!!

smart enough to survive

Ek din ek kutta jungle main raasta kho gaya . Tabhi usane dekha ek sher uskii taraf aa raha hai. Kutte ki saans rookh gayi. "Aaj to kaam tamaam mera!" usne socha. Phir usne saamane kuchh sookhi haddiyan padi dekhi. Woh aate hue sher ki taraf peeth kar ke baith gayaaur ek sookhi hadii ko choosane laga aur zor zor se bolne laga, "wah! Sher ko khaane ka maza hi kuchh aur hai. Ek aur mil jaaye to poori daawat ho jayegi!"
Aur usne zor se dakaar mara. Is bar sher sakate mein aa gayaa. Usne socha "ye kutta to sher ka shikar karta hai! Jaan bacha kara bhago!"

Aur sher wahan se champat ho gaya .

Ped par baitha ek Bandar yeh sab tamasha dekh raha tha. Usne socha yeh mauka achha hai sher ko sari kahani bata deta hoon - sher se dosti ho jayegi aur usase zindagi bhar ke liye jaan ka khatra dur ho jayega. Woh phataphat sher ke pichhe bhaga. Kutte ne Bandar ko jaate hue dekh liya aur samajh gayaki koi locha hai. Udhar Bandar ne sher ko sab bata diya ki kaise kutte ne use bewakoof banaya hai. Sher zor se dahada, "chal mere saath abhi uski leela khatam karta hoon" aur Bandar ko
apani peeth par baitha kar sher kutte ki taraf lapka. Can u imagine the quick management by the DOG...

Kutte ne sher ko aate dekha to ek bar phir uskii taraf peeth karke baith gaya aur zor zor se bolne laga, "Is Bandar ko bhej ke 1 ghanta ho gaya , saala ek sher phaans kar nahi la sakta!"

chennai experience

how are u guys ?? i have been posted to a place called chennai . i dontknw from where i shud start its praise.someone sometime said if there is a heaven on earth its kashmir . Excuseme sir or mam whoever it was . i object and i insist its chennai .i m having gr8 time here .the weather is so good and serene . max tempis just 43 degree celcius and i dont want to know about the minimum some times it even snows and i m going to buy some winter clothes thisweekend ... i ALWAYS wanted to come to a place like this ......... i mso LOVING it ....

The sun is quite strong but it has its own advantages.If u dont have a matchbox u dont need one. stand wid ur ciggarete andafter few mins u can see fumes raising from somewhere (just be cautious, its not ur ciggarete always...u are vulnerabvle too)...i went to shopand asked for sunscrren wid spf 200 .....the lady slapped me and askedme to wear burqa.... well if ur LPG cylinder gets over always keep onesolar cooker for emergency .But u know i have used solar cooker foreveryday and LPG for emergency hehe i kknow i m so intelligent.

well whats good is that there are so many good and imp projects here andno one is on bench . i m working on 2 -3 projects together and have nofree time. they may send me onsite soon . also i may become the projectmanager though i m reluctant coz i have no damn idea what a project isI ve got a meeting with senior officials after some time and after thati have to dig my head into a 4k lines of code.Not a big deal just a 1 hrjob.I just love this place .

The food is like home cook. U can get allsorts of dosas here for Rs15 ( i know its lil costly ) and 1 roti costs8 bucks . I dont know how do they manage to give so cheap rotis . I feellike kissig them and giving 12 extra bucks as tip. The food is sodelicious and sumptous.The good thing about this place is nariyal paniits very good for skin,eyes and i dont know what other parts.There is no lang problem.By the time u will explain an auto driver whereu want to go u can walk to that place urself. It saves ur money andexercises u too. For buying vegetables me and my frnds go with onesample of each vegetable to show them.Dont dare to order something forhome delivery else u may end up eating idli instead of pizza.

One more good thing is attire . For males they can go all the possibleplaces from office (if u dont have a dress code) to pub to malls tobeachs in lungi. Its like the local national attire of this place. I mplanning to buy one but the problem is lungis over here are no brandedand if the wind is strong then u may end up giving marlyn monroe pose.

For gals gajra(malipu flowers in hair) is must . Once one lady wassitting on bus stand and one goat came from nowhere and ate her hairalong wid the flowers but these accidents happen rarely and u can alwayswear a helmet if u see a goat.shit i forgot to tell 1 imp thing . here if u go to a bar for drinkingcarry ur own laptop or ipod coz the soongs played over there are justtoo good for u to understand its value ( u dumb bozos).

they are tamilclassics from 1960's with uncles and aunty doing something , runningaround the tree making weird poses ... i m sure they were not actor andactress rather their parents but when i asked a local he got furious andsaid they were superhit jodi of their time. I swear my dad looks youngerthan the hero ......... if u want to buy beer than sorry u wont getchilled beer these ppl over here like it the other way hot ....haha hotppl hot city hot beer cheers guys ...........