loving wife

A man breaks into a house to look for money and guns. Inside, he finds couple in bed.He orders the guy out of the bed and ties him to a chair. While tying the home owner's wife to the bed the convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.

While he's in there, the husband whispers over to his wife: 'Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes!

He's probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain...do what ever he tells you.Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is obviously very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us both. Be strong, honey. I love you!'

His wife responds: 'He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me that he's gay, thinks you're cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you, too.'

yeh he mumbai meri jaan

This can happen only in our Mumbai....no where else. Read on.....

Only local train passengers in Mumbai will know how helpful commuters try to be......

Last week, a hapless victim fell prey to the over enthusiastic Bombay's local train commuters. Our hero, a man from Pune, wanted to go to Matunga, but as luck and trains would have it, boarded a fast train not halting at his destination. He panicked on realising his mistake but by then the local had started moving.

On seeing his plight, a sympathetic co-passenger decided to come to his rescue. It seemed that he had been commuting by that particular train (6:03pm Kasara Fast) for the past 6 years and had noticed that the train always slowed down just before Matunga station and crawled at a snail's pace while passing through it. He told the man to jump out of the running train as it slowed down and that with a little bit of fleet-footedness, he would make it safely on terra firma.

However, knowing the man's inexperience, he added some words of caution: "Keep running the moment you jump or you'll fall. Just keep running." He stressed the word "running" lest the man not know the laws of motion.

The train did slow down just before Matunga station and at the prompting of his mentor, our hero jumped out of the train and started running as if all hell had broken loose. What he didn't realise, of course, was that he was running parallel to the train instead of running away from it.

Meanwhile, the train slowed down further, so that the man was running faster than the train. In the process, he reached the door of the next compartment and the footboard commuters there pulled him in thinking he was trying to board the train!

To his agony, the train picked up speed and sped past Matunga and his new co-passengers started to congratulate him on how lucky he had been, until he told them that they had actually undone what he had done with great difficulty.

Those standing at the door of his "ex-compartment" had witnessed the whole drama and just couldn't stop laughing at the poor man's situation, while he grinned sheepishly!! !

Ae dil, hai mushkil, jeena yahaan,Zara hatke, zara bachke,yeh hai Bambai meri jaan

indian mom

A young Indian guy excitedly tells his mother he's fallen madly in love with an amazing gal and that he is going to get married.

He says, "Ma, I'm going to bring over 3 women and you try and guess which one I'm going to marry." The mother agrees.

The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the house and sits them down on the couch and they chat for a while.

Later, he says, "Okay Ma, guess which one I'm going to marry."

She immediately replies, "The one on the right."

"That's amazing, Ma. You're right. How did you know?"

The Indian mother replies, .... ... ..... .... .... .... .... .... .... ....

"I don't like her"

one wish

A man was riding his Harley along a California beach when suddenly the sky cleared above his head and in a booming voice, the Lord said, 'Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish..' The biker pulled over and said, 'Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want.

'The Lord said, 'Your request is materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required reaching the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help mankind.'

The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally, he said, 'Lord, I wish that I and all men could understand women. We want to know how they feel inside. What they are thinking when they give us the silenttreatment? Why they cry? What they mean when they say 'nothing's wrong'? Why they snap and complain when we try to help? and how we can make a woman truly happy?

'The Lord replied, 'You want two lanes or four lanes on that bridge?'

stock market

Once upon a time in a village, a man appeared and announced to the Villagers that he would buy monkeys for Rs10.

The villagers seeing that there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest and started catching them.

The man bought thousands at Rs10 and as supply started to diminish, the Villagers stopped their effort. He further announced that he would now buy at Rs20. This renewed the efforts of the villagers and they started Catching monkeys again.

Soon the supply diminished even further and people started going back to their farms. The offer rate increased to Rs25 and the supply of monkeys became so little that it was an effort to even see a monkey, let alone catch it!

The man now announced that he would buy monkeys at Rs50! However, since he had to go to the city on some business, his assistant would now buy on behalf of him.

In the absence of the man, the assistant told the villagers. Look at all these monkeys in the big cage that the man has collected. I will sell them to you at Rs35 and when the man returns from the city, you can sell it to him for Rs50."

The villagers squeezed up with all their savings and bought all the monkeys.

Then they never saw the man nor his assistant, only monkeys everywhere!! !
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Welcome to the analogy for "Stock" Market!!!!!

software quotes

UNIX is simple. But It just needs a genius to understand its simplicity.
-Dennis Ritchie


Before software can be reusable, it first has to be usable.
—Ralph Johnson


Good judgment comes from experience, and experience comes from bad judgment.
-Fred Brooks


It's hard enough to find an error in your code when you're looking for it;
It's even harder when you've assumed your code is error-free.
-Steve McConnell


The trouble with the world is that the stupid are sure,
and the intelligent are full of doubt.
-Bertrand Russell


(This is the best 1.....)
If debugging is the process of removing bugs,
Then programming must be the process of putting them in..
-Edsger Dijkstra


You can either have software quality or you can have pointer arithmetic;
You cannot have both at the same time.
–Bertrand Meyer


There are two ways to write error-free programs; only the third works.
-Alan J. Perlis


Measuring programming progress by lines of code is like measuring
aircraft building progress by weight.
-Bill Gates


The first 90% of the code accounts for the first 10% of the development time.
The remaining 10% of the code accounts for the other 90% of the development time.
-Tom Cargill


Programmers are in a race with the Universe to create bigger and better idiot-proof programs.
The Universe is trying to create bigger and better idiots.
So far the Universe is winning.
-Anonymous


Theory is when you know something, but it doesn't work.
Practice is when something works, but you don't know why it works.
Programmers combine Theory and Practice:
Nothing works and they don't know why.


The Six Phases of a Project:
· Enthusiasm
· Disillusionment
· Panic
· Search for the Guilty
· Punishment of the Innocent
· Praise for non-participants

an old post of mine

15 june 2008.completing a complete 1 year here in pune.post_ILP sadmaa.. newness ah better.. strangerness in pune.my first days with deepak bhaiya the great. :-)everything has become just gone_r_doz_days issue.
flashback//pune has given a lot ..some gud frens.. some better experiences.. some bitter memories.sandeep, his cornflake bowl at the gate.3 different projects, and respective proffessional dealings..those ignoring attitudes becoming.. ingoing addictions..those unpromised vows.. and still life goes...
present//a gym-freaked goutam is becoming a time-kicked fool.a happening happy dood now feels half-innings has totally gone nude..still i can find more reasons to be happy.much more goutamized attitude in self.
CHEERS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!